Well I thought I had one more letter I had written but I apparently didn't. I stopped writing. I wanted to keep up with it. But I will admit I got depressed. Pretty bad. Sometime in Feb, the vision started messing up and headaches came back and all I kept thinking not again. Turns out somehow the settings had changed in the shunt. I've learned I don't eeed to freak out when something changes in it... That got fixed and then once again in March it messed up. I didn't know what to do.
I learned and I also realized that really this happening was kind of a blessing. I know know thats weird saying, Yes I'd rather have my eyesight back and have like a broken arm or something, I was a different person before this happened. I wasn't me. I thought I was me but I wasn't, I thought I was happy and I wasn't. I was so unhappy and miserable. I would snap at someone at a moments noticed and everything got to me. And I will be the first to admit that and I will be the first to say I'm sorry to anyone. But I was sick and didn't know it and obvisously was fo a while. Even after we found out what was wrong with me some people wouldn't/couldn't accept that. We are no longer friends and to be the better person I hope the best for her. Now there are other friends that have drifted. I know it happens. It's part of life and it sucks majorly. These friends know who they are and they know that I love them. I just can't be that friend anymore. I would love to be that friend again.
But as you can imagine I did get bad depressed. And by beginning of March I think I had maybe cried a total 6 times. For someone who was going through what I was going through to be honest that wasn't enough. I'm going to be honest I felt like if I cried I was letting people down. Everyone was telling me I needed to be strong that I needed to keep my head up, and keep my faith and to not give up. If I cried it was like I was giving up. So maybe that was why I had such a good attitude about everything. When March hit I was done, I was ready to throw in the towel. Then the one day I put up on my facebook status and yes facebook, I put something about I was done. I got a message from Charlie. Not to give up and that he knew times were rough but I couldn't give up ane if I ever needed someone to talk to I could call or text him. And lately at that point I had been snapping at people telling me not to give up but I couldn't at him. Let me give you small little background on him. Charlie is someone I went to high school with. And year ago his life changed just like mine except a little differently. He got told he had leukemia. Two months later my thing happened so we kind of talked off and on checking on each other till that day. 2 days later I sent him a text and we haven't went a day without talking since. Now he has become one of my bestest friends and we are currently dating. We started dating on April 22. I can't really tell you how it started. It was suppose to be friends that needed someone to talk. I've never been happier. And he has been really amazing with me an my vision. If things don't work out with us I hope we do stay friends because of the friendship we did develop. And he also has set a standard for future guys if there is. And I'm not going to say I hope there isn't because it's way too early for that. But he's amazing. He has a little girl who is adorable as anything, a mom that I love to death and I haven't met his sister yet but I'm sure I'll love her too. He reached me when no one else couldn and that I am thankful. Will be forever in his debt. And they say facebook is a bad thing... I'll have to disagree.
Ok I'm done for the night. I'm off to bed Might not write again till friday or saturday. <3
I couldn't wait for you to get to this part of the story. You have been through a lot and I respect you so much for how you have and are handling your life. I am also thankful that Charlie was able to reach you. Sometimes you really just need someone who knows what you are going through. I knew both of you in high school and you are two of the sweetest people I know. I love that you are happy now. Everything happens for a reason they say...I honestly believe "they" are right. God has a bigger picture for each of us then we can see. Your story would make a wonderful book. Have you thought that at all? I was thinking about it the other day. I would read it.
ReplyDelete