Letter number 4

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

5:45 A.M.

Dear You,
It's been a few days since I've been written. I wanted to give it a few days so I would have some things to talk about but not that I'm writing I don't knoow what to say. It's so early in the morning, I'm so tired. I'll probably go back to sleep after I take my medicine. which is two hours from now.
Not sure if I already told you, but I finish my 2nd actual book and like my sixth one since I've been able to see. I've read four of them off the nook my grandma got me. That thing is so neat. I've already moved on to my 7th book. But this book, Kiss The Girls, it was so good. I found myself rooting for the girls in the book and trying to guess to the killers were before I found out who they were. I have fallen in love with James Patterson. He writes the most suspenseful books. I really cannot wait to get more of the Alex Cross series. as you can tell I love to read. As I do know I've said before it gives you this place to escape. To imagine what those characters are going through. I always put myself in the story like I'm in the background watching in unfold as I read it. I guess that's where I can get my imagination from.
I got a text from my manager I use to work for at Applebee's and this girl that started after I got sick had her baby and it passed away. I've met her once. She was really nice. It's really sad a baby passed away. She was only like a couple weeks old. They took her to MUSC. I wish they could of done for her what they did for me and my niece. I know they aren't miracle workers down there but they are my angels and so many others too. I'll never understand death but I don't think anyone will ever understand it. Especially with kids. Just to hear about it breaks my heart.
I've never really got into that show Extreme Makeover Home Edition. Well yesterday I watched it and it had me tearing up. It had this family who would adopt kids that had problems, health problems, you know the ones that most people would be like that's so sad but yeah we don't want that one. They had this one little boy, Jake. He stole me heart. I iHe was born with every bone in his body broken. And the adopted mom said you can picked him up and if his arm breaks he will just look at you and say mom my arm just broke I'm sorry. Why would a child have to apologize for that? Why should a child have to go through that? His whole family will out live him. His life wth never be normal. It does make me grateful for mine. If I ever meet someone who will take me as I am blind and all. I want to adopt. And i want to do like that family, I want the kids that no one wants. Those kids deserve love too. Just because they are different doesn't mean a thing. How would you feel if it was you like that and no one wanted you? It wouldn't feel to great would it?
So I was thinking, I don't know who all is going to be reading this if anyone is but maybe I should tell you things about me. Well if you are reading this then you might already know my name but if not it's Stephanie. I'm 26. Just four months ago I went blind due to some health problems. Personally I feel like I'm a good person. I know there are some people out there who have a difference of a opinion but they knew me at a different time in my life. People change. I've always been told I have a good heart. You just got to get to know me. I am stubborn as hell though. I will admit that. I get it from my dad. It's why we can't get along. I cherish my friends till no end, especially now. Some of them it might be a little to late for but I'm trying. In the past I have been a horrible friend and I'll be the first to admit that. But there are some friends out there that I've been better friends to than they have to me. But that's ok I and they will always know that and things will change. I'm not afraid to tell people how i feel anymore. I've learn life too short to hold back and I'm not going to spend the rest of my life fighting. My friends are my family. As you can tell from before my family isn't that close. Though my mom's side seems to be closer. Even though every now and then things will tear it apart. That side is prone to drugs and not to air out my family's dirty laundry but almost all of them have been on drugs. I personally have never touched the stuff. My mom was not a part of my life because of it. I've watched it tear a family apart. She met my step-dad and got sober and has been since. If i think about it it hurts that her daughter couldn't get her sober but I'm glad she met someone who could though cause if she kept going the way she was she might have ended up dead. My mom and I have always had a rocky relationship. When I was younger I would go to her and tell her things because I yearned for that mother/daughter relationship. I hoped for it. And just one day I snapped and I was done. I couldn't do it anymore. It hasn't been the same since. She's been trying though and I'm trying to let her. It's just hard.
My dad on the other hand, as much as we butt heads, he is my hero. And I know I'm a girl and most girls their dad is but he has had to play mom and dad my whole life. He has had me since I was eighteen months old. My mom did the right thing and gave me to him instead of dragging me through the drugs and stuff. I'm really daddy's little girl. I so appreciate everything he has ever done for me and I guess one of my biggest fears is he will never know it. I hope one day I can show him. I know this whole thing with me scared him. God has blessed me with a great dad. I wish he could find a woman to settle down with. I know he's 50 but people get married all the time. And he deserves to be loved and have someone to love. I hope that I get better and am able to get on my feet well enough to move out and maybe he can relax and find someone. He deserves it.
Ok well my head is starting to hurt a little so I think I'm done. I'll write a litte more later if I can. Maybe let you in a little more. More into knowing me. Thanks for reading. Until next time
Love,
SNB