The First Letter

This is not my regular post. That will be posted later. So you get 2 today. This was something I started but didn't keep up with so theres only like 4-5 of them. Enjoy!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011
7:55 P.M.
Dear You;
I don't know who will read this. I'm not sure anyone will every read this but i need to talk to someone. And well i'd rather to "talk" to no one and get it all out and not get a response back than talk to someone who is going to try and pretend they understand or try to reason with me. I feel like if I try and talk to someone they want to talk to me like I'm stupid or dumb for feeling the way I do. I'm sorry that I do feel that way. I've been through literal hell and still there i feel like. I don't know what else to do. I almost lost my life and that was scary. That's even scary to think about. I remember before it happened thinking about the people i went to high school with and hearing about them dying thinking Gpd they are my age. They all of sudden mine was almost taken. which do not get me wrong I will be forever grateful that I didn't and that I got a second chance to change everything around. Which I don't think i was living a bad life. I know there was somethings that was questionable if i could go back i would never have done any of it. So if this is my punishment then well I hope it's over with soon cause I don't think I can handle it much longer. I was relatively happy. I was getting there I thought. I was back in school, getting my life together and bam my life changed. Now I can't see well and I'm on all kinds of medicine. I go to all kinds of doctors and might be this way for the rest of my life. I really hope not. People just don't understand. Unless you are going through or have went through what i am then you will never know. I know life isn't fair. And things happen for a reason, but what reason would it be to take someones vision away. i would not wish this on my worst enemy but why me? Maybe one day I'll find out the answer to that, maybe not. I don't know. All I know is I'm not doing what most twenty-six years old are doing. I sit at home all day every day. I miss my life. I miss work. I miss my friends. Everyone keeps saying keep your head up, it will get better I promise. Well I've always been taught and i've always lived by don't make promises you can't keep. That's one promise no one can make sure of. I think I've done a good job of keeping my faith in believing things with get better but it's starting to dwindle. Some days seem better. Then there are days where they are just awful and I don't know what to do.
This feels good getting it all out like this. I might use this as like a diary to get it all out so I don't go crazy. Release some of the frustration I have with this. There is a lot. I have a lot of anger, sadness, and confusion in me. I'm mad cause this happened. Even though I did almost die; it literally took my life away. And there is nothing I can do about it. No doctor can fix it. Sad because of all the same reasons. I'm stuck at home. Only getting out when everyone finds time to visit and/or come get me. So I just sit here. And finally confused becaused well why the hell did it happen?
I pray that this is over soon. I have my faith and beliefs. I really hope it's over soon. It's just so hard to keep believing everything is going to be okay. So hard. I thank God I still have my life. That's no secret. And I will be forever in his debt as i already am i guess but will so show it if i get better. Well my head is starting to hurt. So until next time.
Love,
SNB