There are things in our lives that we will never understand. Things that are beyoud our control. But we always wonder those questions. Why was I given this life? Why did both my grandpas' get cancer? Why is it that Kenny got to do what he did and still gets the good life and I end up blind and alone? Why did Charlie get leukemia and none of the treatments work? Why is my uncle suffering with cancer? Why do kids go without every day? And then there are the how's... How can they be some much money for cancer research but yet no cure? How can we live each day knowing one day the person or even ourselves one day we won't be here? The What's...What will happen after we are gone? What will our future hold(which we have always wondered since we can remember) even what's going through that person's head as they do something? ...Who's.. Who will take care of things? Who is responsible for things? Who will step up and take the responsibility? Who gets to say this is what's going to happen in my life, I get to decide that, Who is the right person for us? Where's... Where is this life going? Where do I want to go? Where is everything I dreamed of? And finally When.... When will it be my turn? When will things start to look up? When does things start to make sense?
We've all asked those questions at one point in time. If not all. Maybe not the exact ones but they might be worded different. I know I have. Especially in the last year. I've written about Charlie before and I'm not going through that story again. But meeting up with him again and getting back in church(which I'm not going to get all preachy) and I'm currently reading a book the preacher gave me to read and to me I know the answer to all these questions.
Faith. I've always had a big thing about faith. All my life I have. I've lost my faith or well it has faltered a time or two. But you gotta have faith that things will work out. That things happen for a reason. Either it may be good or bad but in the end it happened for a reason. Now I'm not saying faith is why Charlie passed away. But we gotta have faith to know that there is a reason why is he is no longer here. And faith isn't why my uncle is suffering from cancer but we gotta have faith that maybe just maybe he can magically be healed or that he won't suffered for long. I've learned faith is believing even when nothing seems fair... and Trust me I know a lot about things not being fair.
I am going to talk about church for a little bit here. I'm not the type of person to push my beliefs onto someone. Everyone has their own beliefs and the way I look at it is everyone is right but everyone isn't. We can't prove no one wrong in their beliefs. As long as you know what you believe and stick to it why argue over or judge someone? I have plenty of friend of different religions. Or that don't believe. That doesn't change mine. On July 31st and yes it happens to be the very same day Charlie passed away, I made the decision to join Anderson Mill Road Baptist Church. Not even 3-31/2 hours he passed away. And I said I was going to take it as a sign I was right where I needed to be. The wednesday before I had sat down with the preacher and had an hour long talk with him about everything in my life. My health, my uncle and Charlie. I started off telling him I'm not the person to talk to someone about my problems and i'm not.. I deal with them on my own. And I hate crying in front or to someone. So he knew it was a big deal for me to have never met him that I was sitting beside him. I've never been so honest with someone about everything in my life. I went in there feeling I had all the troubles and worries of the whole world on my shoulders and left feeling like it was all gone. He told me that he believed I was brought to that church for a reason. I had been a member and felt comfortable in a church since my days at Saxon and that has been well over 10 years ago. So i'm excited ahout this new journey I have going. I'm not going to change. I'm still ol' Stephanie. Just happy. I'm going to have my moments of depression cause lets face it... go through what I have in the last year and lets see who doesn't get depressed. <3
It's great to hear you are feeling happy! Being connected with a church and even more powerful, being connected with God can really change you. There is a support system that can be simply amazing. We all ask those questions. They contain different words and different subjects, but it's still the same question. My questions lately have been why did I have a miscarriage. I want a big family and we were ready for more kids, but God instead gave me a message. And a baby to miss until I see her in Heaven. Maybe she will meet Charlie up there. Have you read "Heaven is for Real"? It is amazing.
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