My December! I figured I needed to write again since I haven’t since Thanksgiving. Since then of course my birthday happened, Christmas and New Years. Before all of those events happened I made a big decision in my life. I decided to stop fighting and I have now been put on anti-depressants. I’ve been fighting against this for a while. Since way before my uncle and Charlie passed. So far it has worked out great. I get along better with my dad and my mom. And if I tell you anything you know my relationhips with both of them. I talk to my mom more now that I use to. My dad and have went a month without arguing. I feel like I do laugh a lot more. I still have my days don’t get me wrong. I know they aren’t the answer or going to fix everything, but I believe they were a step in the right direction. One thing that I was told by two very dear people and I’ve learned it’s okay to not be okay.

I figured I needed to write again since I haven’t since Thanksgiving. Since then of course my birthday happened, Christmas and New Years. Before all of those events happened I made a big decision in my life. I decided to stop fighting and I have now been put on anti-depressants. I’ve been fighting against this for a while. Since way before my uncle and Charlie passed. So far it has worked out great. I get along better with my dad and my mom. And if I tell you anything you know my relationhips with both of them. I talk to my mom more now that I use to. My dad and have went a month without arguing. I feel like I do laugh a lot more. I still have my days don’t get me wrong. I know they aren’t the answer or going to fix everything, but I believe they were a step in the right direction. One thing that I was told by two very dear people and I’ve learned it’s okay to not be okay.
The first event of December was Rosemary’s birthday. We both felt the same way about our birthdays and Christmas this year. We didn’t want to celebrate. So we decided to do it together. We got together with Holly(her daughter), Jennifer Isbell, and Karen (her mother in law) and went and ate at Applebee’s where we had cake and she opened presents. Six days later was my birthday and we did it all over again. Except the mother in law. That night we had a little Chirstmas thing for people close to Charlie who were here in town or we were in touch with. It was rather small and fun. It’s hard to decide if Charlie would of liked it or not. He hated crowds but I can’t help but think he would have had fun. I got a penquin ornament. It’s so cute. Soon as I can find a place it’s going to be hung up and be up all year long. It was a really fun night. Sometime in between the midst of all these things going on I made the decision I wanted to go to Charlie’s grave. I haven’t been back to since the day we buried him. I think it’s time and it might do me some good. So one day soon I will go up there. The day after all of this Kim wanted to have a birthday dinner/party me, I just had to pick the place (which of course was Fatz). I laughed so hard that night I cried. It was so much fun to be there with my friends and have another carefree night. Thanks to everyone who came and especially Kim for wanting to throw it for me. And much needed thanks for everyone Rosemary, Kim, Holly, Kayla and whoever else that made my birthday special... oh and I even got my present from Heaven! Rain!
Christmas came all to quickly. It was bittersweet. Every Christmas my uncle woould read Twas the night before Christmas to the younger kids while the adults cleaned up. Last year his speech was good enough to do it and this year it was like a void there. Though I know he the best Christmas of all. My grandma and I spent Christmas day in church. After I got home I went straight to bed and didn’t leave there for 3 days. That’s one way I know I will have bad days.
My doctor just uped the dosage on the medicine, it’s only been a few days so we will see how it will turns out. I’m starting to read again. I’m currently reading that book 5 people you meet in Heaven. It’s very interesting so far.
Oh Oh I did keep my New Year’s resolution from last year, which was no hospital stays. I didn’t really make one up for this year, except maybe to be happy. Like I said the past two years have been pure hell with few happy moments… It’s about time for something to go right in my life right?